"But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him up and he arose."
Mark 9:27
Recently, I been fighting through a sort of wilderness, if you will; a wild season of what feels like immense
conflict and trial. I have given up so much of my time
and my life to this job in the middle of nowhere with kids who do not
understand the meaning of respect. Day to day I have felt like I have been
fighting a losing battle in an environment constantly inflicting a feeling of assault on my mind, body and spirit. For months I have come home and
cried on the floor because I have felt like such a failure, but even
more so because I felt like if I quit I would be failing all the people who
support and believe in me.
But, I have finally reached a place where I can hear God reminding me of
who I am in the midst of all this. He
never intended me to be a martyr or slave to the world or to people. He came to
redeem me, to free me and save me from the world and its pressures and
darkness.
“‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice, for I came not to call the righteous, but the sinners.”
Matthew 9:13
Through perseverance, prayer, and endurance, I am returning
again to claiming my identity in Christ, not in others approval or in earning
salvation through work. It begins with recognizing our own insecurities and the
things that are not of God. If we have secured ourselves in seeking the
approval of anyone or anything but God, we often find ourselves facing
struggle, dissatisfaction and disorientation until that fear, anxiety, and
struggle break us of our attachments in that which is not of God. We are all
too often haunted and assaulted by our “insecurities”: The prefix “in” means to
be without such as– inability,
inadequate, invisible etc. while the root word “secure” means to be grounded, attached even bound to
something most often for stability. If we are not secure in the Lord and Him
alone, we are “without” Him and without his security; we are like the ship
tossed to and fro by the wind and the waves.
No matter where you are or what you are going through, I would challenge you to take some time to really reflect
and remember who you are in Christ today. Be still and be alone with Him. Do not be afraid of whatever conflict you meet in your vulnerability,
but embrace it as a means of developing character. I think these
struggles are embedded into our lives sometimes to help us remember the value of
what we really fight for every day; God actually allows it to show us the
deeper story beneath our mundane and ordinary lives. He wants us to conquer
what we are struggling with, tame it and bring order again to chaos. The
challenges display how much we love what we are actually after– eternal life
with Jesus. In the same way, think about the conflict and trial Christ endured
His whole life up to the cross just to show us how much He loves us.
The Bible makes so much more sense when we are actively following
Christ. If we study it at rest it is really hard to make sense of it. But out
in the trenches, on the battlefield, it is breath, it is life and it is milk
and honey to our souls. As we try and live the life we were called to live, we
will struggle because in the world you are facing equal and opposite
resistance; you will face doubt and criticism, but belief is what makes it
real.
Just keep going, one step at a time. Jesus Christ moved through the place
where fear would collapse most men and His ambition conquered the fear.
