Freely Give

The time has finally arrived, I leave Monday for a long summer of TFA training in Atlanta, GA. As I prepare, I have been reading and re-reading my favorite story about Jesus walking on water in Matthew 14. It always inspires me to get out of the boat and experience defying gravity and the laws of nature with Jesus Christ. Even when we sink (which we always will, over and over again), all we have to do is cry out for Him to help us and scripture says, "Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him..." We have to persevere even in the face of trial and difficulty; it is in the midst of the wind and the waves we are lifted up NOT by ourselves, but by Jesus' strength alone. Faith believes when everything around you tries to dissuade you, faith makes possible the impossible.

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33 

There is a story preceding Jesus walking on water, about Jesus feeding five thousand with a few loaves and fishes. 

But Jesus said, “They need not go away; you give them something to eat.” They said to him, “We have only five loaves here and two fish.” And he said, “Bring them here to me.” Matthew 14:16-18

Initially Jesus gives us gifs and the things we have, but until we surrender and lay them at his feet, He cannot use them to feed the thousands. What loaves and fishes have I yet to bring to Him? He freely gives me my life, but not just for myself. It is easy for us to get caught up in ourselves and believing what we have is for the benefit of ourselves, but how much could we give of our lives if we let go of the burden and allow Jesus to perform the miracle. He does not ask us to solve the world's hunger, he just asks the disciples to bring Him something to work with. The gift is not our gifts themselves, but in the experience of handing them over to Jesus and trusting Him to use them for His glory, not our own. 


What does that look like for us right now?


Personally, it is recognizing how pride has deceivingly caused me to believe I have little or nothing to give. I can relate to the disciples when they approach Jesus with a measly five loaves and two fish...they must be thinking "Wow, this is nothing and definitely not enough to feed five thousand people! There is no way we can even attempt to feed all these people."


How immature and prideful of us to limit God and believe He cannot do the impossible. Once again, our lack of belief in God's power inhibits not only us, but God Himself...how much more could we do for the Kingdom if we truly believed in God's power to work through measly humans like us? We cannot pretend to know how God uses us, but we can surrender our lives in complete faith knowing he does use us. We have been equipped with many gifts and have no right to deserve any praise for anything, but Jesus has every right to use us, we are His. Serve the least of your brothers when they are hungry, thirsty or need something to wear. The hardest part for me is trying to feed those who do not recognize their own hunger, but then recognizing I fall into that category also.

"Home Again" by Michael Kiwanuka

Home again, Home again
One day I know
I'll feel home again
Born again, Born again


One day I know

I'll feel strong again

I left my head

Many times I've been told

All this talk will make you old

So I close my eyes

Look behind

Moving on, moving on

So I close my eyes

Look behind

Moving on

Lost again, Lost again

One day I know

Our Paths will Cross again

Smile again , Smile again

One day I hope 

To make you smile again

I won't hide

Many times I've been told

Speak your mind, just be bold

So I close my eyes

Look behind

Moving on, moving on

So I close my eyes

And the tears will clear

Then I feel no fear

Then I'd feel no way

My paths will remain straight

Home again, Home again

One day I know

I'll feel home again

Home again, Home again

One day I know

I'll feel strong again

I left my head

Many times I've been told

All this talk will make you old

So I close my eyes

Look behind

Moving on, moving on

So I close my eyes

Look behind

Moving on

HAPPY GRADUATION!

Blue Like Jazz

Tonight I saw the movie, Blue Like Jazz.

My favorite book was turned into a screenplay. Like most books turned into movies, it was nothing like the book for those of you who were wondering...same kind of message, but the plot is totally different. Apparently, Penny and I look alike. Jennie and Penny...thats cute. She's awesome, so I guess I feel good about it.

Word of the day: "authenticity"

Authenticity: undisputed credibility; not false or copied; genuine

Like the book, this movie reminded me of a severely lacking authenticity of faith in our culture. At our private, Baptist University, faith is so easily copied. Its so easy to walk out your door every morning and be the same person you were yesterday. To smile the same smile and say the same things to the same people without them ever knowing how different you feel every day. This sameness kills me. A copy is the same, but not the real deal. Its value is depleted and unoriginal.

"Even our beliefs have become trend statements. We don’t even believe things because we believe them anymore. We only believe things because they are cool things to believe."

 -Donald Miller

Its cool to believe in Jesus here. You hear things like, "Jesus is my homeboy", "Me and Jesus are tight", "I don't need a boy, I'm datin' my man, Jesus"...I'll be the first to admit I have for sure said these very statements in complete sarcasm.

But, when do we ever talk about the hard things? When do we ever talk about the undisputed credibility of what it really looks like to believe and follow Jesus, especially when life gets hard? When do we admit our struggles with lust, greed, pride? Humans are a wretched breed, fallen and broken, every single one of us...we all need saving from ourselves, but we are so scared to show our own struggles and need for something bigger than anything we think we can control.

The college scene in Blue Like Jazz displays a place about as far from the "fake college christian bubble" as you can get...its the most radically different environment where normal is not cookie-cutter christian, normal is everything absurd, everything rebellious, everything anti-cliche christian. But, what most people inside the bubble don't understand is how Jesus dwells there too. Sometimes we have to let ourselves fall into complete disorder and chaos before we find meaning...there is order in chaos.

"And once you live a good story, you get a taste for a kind of meaning in life, and you can't go back to being normal; you can't go back to meaningless scenes stitched together by the forgettable thread of wasted time." 

-Donald Miller

So let me remind us, you and me, to get out of the boat and walk on water...do not be afraid to leave what is comfortable and safe. Do not settle for a life in the safe-zone of no challenges and like-minded people. Challenge yourself, surround yourself with people who are different than you every day. Be bold, be brave and let God show you what life is like when you die to yourself and let Him live in you. Oh and please, oh please, I give you full permission, if I am not out of the boat when you see me next time to throw me overboard and let me experience the wind and the waves...even if I appear afraid, I want nothing more than a life of walking on water with my man, JC. 

"Dying for something is easy because it is associated with glory. Living for something is the hard thing. Living for something extends beyond fashion, glory, or recognition. We live for what we believe.”

-Donald Miller

"To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some." 

1 Corinthians 9:22

God's plan is not a roadmap

A wonderful friend shared this with me and I want to share this with you...

"God certainly gives us glimmers of clarity, and assurance that we are where He wants us to be—but that doesn’t mean we suddenly become omniscient. Our knowing always remains in part, leaving us weak and dependent. In other words, embracing our finitude and limited understanding is exactly where God wants us to be so that our strength is in Him and not ourselves. But this wanting to know how things will play out lingers in the recesses of my mind. Perhaps it’s because I am easily fixated on what I’m doing rather than on who I am becoming. Without a doubt, when someone asks what God’s will is for their lives they really mean “what does God want me to do with my life?” They assume there is some direct bat-line to the Holy Spirit to answer that question, or there is a trick to knowing God’s will."

Read the rest of this article... http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/deeper-walk/features/28933-gods-plan-isnt-a-roadmap

A Matter of the Heart

There are many things going on in my life from preparing for Teach for America Institue to graduating from college and leaving relationships and a place I have come to call home. I have found myself uneasy and in a place of little control. Time is passing quickly and I cannot, even if I want to, control several things in my life. I want it to slow down. I want it to speed up. I want to know what will happen in the future. I want to know what city in South Carolina I will be. I want to know the children's names and faces and smiles I will encounter in the duration of the next 2 years. I want to know if I can even handle this. I want to know my friends will still be there when I come back.

God has been teaching me a great deal about understanding the matters of our heart. The things we do every day, the emotions we feel, the things we seek and desire, even the littlest trivial things we say...they are ALL reflections of the condition of our hearts. Our day to day lives and what we choose to do with them are a powerful way God speaks to us.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8

What it all comes down to is, do I really trust Jesus? Do I really believe in His faithfulness? We can live our lives in constant worry and anxiety about what will happen or we can reach out and grab hold of His hand. We can walk blindly knowing not where we are going, but who is leading us.

Look inside yourself and ask yourself why you care so much about where you are going? Who you are dating? Why you are feeling this way or that? What is it you are really seeking?

Perfect relevant example: we seek relationships because we really "like him or her" or "just need a boyfriend/girlfriend"...No, no really you just crave to be cared for, you crave to be loved and to know you are not alone. You want someone there to encourage you and adore you and help you on the good days and bad days. These things are not bad to desire in and of themselves, but seek Him first and these desires will be met. Relationships, whether plutonic friendships or romances, are not a means of securing your value and discovering purpose, they are a reflection of the way He first loved us. They are a reminder of Him. The way we love others should be a natural response to knowing Him and what He has done for you. Relationships are about sacrifice in response to the way Jesus loved and continues to love you.

What are things you crave today? What are your insecurities and what can they teach you about what God is trying to say to you?

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33

..and he will be the stability of your times, abundance of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge; the fear of the LORD is Zion’s treasure. Isa. 33:6

Good Will Hunting. Great Movie.

Watched "Good Will Hunting" for the first time tonight. It was amazing, go watch it if you have not already. Really got my mind going so here I am at 1:00am deep in thought...

"It is not that we are able to bring God into contact with our minds, but that we awaken ourselves to the point where God is able to convey his mind to US regarding the people for whom we intercede." -Oswald Chambers

People are mysteries–each and every one of us is a puzzle only God knows how to figure out. We walk around filling our days with busyness and obligations, people and conversations, all of it nonsense really. Every hour of every day we occupy ourselves or we find ourselves left to our own idleness. Everyone is lost, everyone is searching for meaning, for significance, even when they will not admit it. In the moments of solitude, questions arise and we find ourselves searching in vain or running from the questions.

"It is the spirit of man, the Breath of the Almighty that makes him understand." Job 32:8

This verse is one of my favorites because it reminds me how we cannot find meaning ourselves. We cannot find meaning until our hearts rest in God like Augustine once said, "Our hearts are restless until they rest in you." Every one is restless even the least likely, even the most chill or different people–those who we find extremely difficult to understand and those who may be too easy to understand. Who are you to say you know the depths of someone else's soul? The communion they have with God?

I walk down 6th street in Austin and I encounter prostitues, gays, gang members, transvestites, wandering businessmen...all people of whom I have very little in common with and I frankly cannot understand. But, I see something deeper going on...call it a curse or a gift, I feel like sometimes I can see into people's hearts. They all have a longing.

Jesus loves them. His love covers all people, the sins of the whole world. Even those people on 6th street need Him, they may just not be reaching out in the recognizable ways. But they are reaching out, they are screaming for attention through their actions. We ALL need Him.

"Put on then as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these, put on LOVE which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful." Colossians 3:12-15

May we all try and open our hearts and our minds to how Jesus views the world. Jesus, awaken us to your heart for others and may we then intercede for them in response to your love for us.

"For while we were still weak, at the right time, Christ died for the ungodly...but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God." Romans 5:6-8

That is why we are here. That is our meaning. That is our significance. To live is Christ.

Arise.

In response to a question: What are the differences in the words rise and arise?

Rise-
verb: Move from a lower position to a higher one "The sun rises in the morning"
noun: An upward movement; an instance of becoming higher: "the bird has a display flight of steep flapping rises".

Arise-
verb: Emerge; become apparent: "new difficulties had arisen".
Come into being; originate: "God arose Adam from the dust"

Rise seems to me it concludes once the action has been competed. Rise means to get up. Rise is an action that is performed in or through something that has already been brought into existence.
Arise seems to mean more than just to rise. Arise means to get up and the action continues...its keeps going. Arise is an action of bringing something from death to life. Arise can bring nothing into something.

A few verses:
Luke 15:18 Jesus says, "I will ARISE and go to my father, and I will say to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you.'"
Daniel talks a lot about Kingdoms ARISING and Kings ARISING...(8:22; 11:21; 7:24)
Eph. 5:13-14 "But when anything is exposed by light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says, 'Awake, O sleeper, and ARISE from the dead and Christ will come to you.'" (PS I'm working on memorizing this verse, theres something about it I cannot get away from...you should memorize it too and when I see you we can cite it together!)

John 11:23-24 Jesus says, 'Your brother (lazurus) will RISE again.' Martha said to him, 'I know he will RISE again in the resurrection on the last day.'
Luke 21:10 "Nation will RISE against nation, and kingdom against kingdom..."
Psalm 44:26 "RISE up; come to our help! Redeem us for the sake of your steadfast love."
Proverbs 31:28 "Her children RISE up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her."

For the most part the two words are pretty interchangeable, but it seems to me ARISE could be a more powerful word. Jesus Himself uses the word ARISE for the powerful action of Him returning to the Father. To ARISE is to bring life from death. When I think of ARISE I think of God breathing the breath of life into Adam...the image on the Sistine Chapel Michelangelo so perfectly painted of the Creation of Adam. On the other hand, RISE is a more common term used to describe the more mundane and typical. I guess, it just depends on your own use of the two words and how you personally interpret them.

Another question: What are the Psalms?

Psalm is the longest book in the Bible with 150 psalms, most written by King David, "favored by the Lord." Apparently, the word Psalms comes from a Greek word which means, "a song sung to the accompaniment of a musical instrument." I think thats beautiful and helps me understand....You know how on rainy days your mood becomes more somber and calmed, while on sunny days your mood seems to lift? I often think of my life as a soundtrack...on good days, I walk with a pep in my step and its almost like I'm dancing to jazz or skipping to some folk music, but on rainy days, my head hangs lower and I love my slow chill acoustic music, I sit for long periods of time and think to classical music. Every day, the songs I sing to God change with the music playing in the background of my life. While we have control of the songs we sing and how we respond to God, we don't have full control of circumstances, God determines those.

Therefore, the Psalms are David's response to different seasons of music in his life. Sometimes he sings praises, while in others I cannot seem to find any joy but just remorse or pain. I love the authenticity of the psalms, they make me feel like I am not alone in the way I feel sometimes. Some days I realize it is okay to be mad or upset or in pain or confused, and then there are also days when things make complete sense and all I can do is praise Him. The psalms are so diverse and address so many subjects. They are a beautiful songs of our lives.

Reminds me of one of my top 5 favorite verses: "For everything there is a season, a time for every matter under heaven" Ecc 3:1

Found this poem randomly, thought it was intriguing based on the topic of "Rise"...its a poem about perseverance when the world tells you to quit. Deep called to deep in this one.

"Still I Rise" poem by Maya Angelou

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.