One Student. One Story.

A couple weeks ago, word reverberated down the hall and into my classroom that we had received a “new student”. Most of the time, the phrase “new student” refers students who have been transferred as a result of bad behavior from another school. But this time it was different…Jessica's head of dirty blonde hair does not yet reach above my shoulder. Her brown eyes and sweet freckles accompany her authenticity.

The first day I met Jessica, her quiet demeanor and politeness took me by surprise. Having been at this middle school now for 8 months, I unfortunately had become quite desensitized to authentic respectfulness. Somehow she was placed in the loudest class with the most dominant girls in the grade. It was apparent that the class did not know what to do with Jessica or how to treat her. They seemed to flip flop between respect for her and feeling threatened by her. Anytime she spoke up in class, they rolled their eyes or jumped on her with aggressive remarks.

Surprisingly, unlike most sweet little girls thrown into a completely new culture and tough environment, Jessica held her own. Though her face might have acquired little red splotches, she would genuinely put the other students in their place with firm rebuttals, or humbly ignore them and focus on her work.

Battling my own way through this environment, I have watched Jessica do the same. She is a strong girl and a firm believer. Talking to her I have sensed her wisdom beyond her years. She is strong and determined, always clinging to hope. Even on the days I see tears in her eyes, her words are faithful and she believes things will get better. Today she wrote me a letter in response to a long note of encouragement I shared with her after a tearful day:

“To: Miss Pitts

From: Jessica

Dear Miss Pitts,

        You are right. I do have to look on the bright side. School is almost out and I am going to North Dakota for the summer!! So I will have a lot of fun. And I will also get new ideas to get me through next year. I always want to cry when I talk about going because I am so excited!!! And sometimes I do feel like some people see the way I treat the teachers and students. Sometimes I just want to give up, but I know that will get me nowhere. When the kids are mean to me I just think of the summer.

Love, Jessica”

I saw myself in this sweet little girl today and she brought me comfort. Thank you, heavenly Father, for delighting in me and gifting me with encouragement through the sweet and innocent love of your children. May we continue seeking you in the little things every day.

The Jellyfish

The beach is not exactly my favorite place to be, but today I needed to feel the wind against my face so I went for a run. After a good hour of pounding out the thoughts in my head, I took off my shoes and walked in the ocean.

As I asked God to calm my anxious thoughts and give me reassurance, I saw five little boys crowded around a blob in the sand. Walking by them they ran around and yelled, eyes full of fear and trepidation as if the blob was about to jump up and eat them whole. Each time they ran away, they would immediately go to their Dad for a little courage and then return again to the mysterious blob in the sand. Finally as their Dad made his way down the beach to the blob with them, the boys bent over and poked at the blob only to discover an innocent jellyfish. They paraded around, overjoyed by their find and stood with bold confidence as if they had just conquered the moon.

In such a simple moment, I realized something...How often am I just like those little boys? We face questionable and uncertain blobs in our lives and find ourselves petrified by uncertainty. In these moments, there are two kinds of people: the ones who run never finding out the real truth, and then there are the ones who stay discovering a deep treasure behind our fears.

Today I woke up afraid of the unknown, but thanks be to God who helps me see there is nothing really to fear. If I truly trust my Father in Heaven and go to him for courage, I will find all I need to face whatever mysterious blobs lie ahead. May we always remember the steadfast and unwavering confidence He provides if and when we go to him...

For the JOY set before Him He endured...

"But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him up and he arose."
                                                      Mark 9:27

Recently, I been fighting through a sort of wilderness, if you will; a wild season of what feels like immense conflict and trial. I have given up so much of my time and my life to this job in the middle of nowhere with kids who do not understand the meaning of respect. Day to day I have felt like I have been fighting a losing battle in an environment constantly inflicting a feeling of assault on my mind, body and spirit. For months I have come home and cried on the floor because I have felt like such a failure, but even more so because I felt like if I quit I would be failing all the people who support and believe in me.

But, I have finally reached a place where I can hear God reminding me of who I am in the midst of all this. He never intended me to be a martyr or slave to the world or to people. He came to redeem me, to free me and save me from the world and its pressures and darkness.

“‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice, for I came not to call the righteous, but the sinners.”
                                                                 Matthew 9:13

Through perseverance, prayer, and endurance, I am returning again to claiming my identity in Christ, not in others approval or in earning salvation through work. It begins with recognizing our own insecurities and the things that are not of God. If we have secured ourselves in seeking the approval of anyone or anything but God, we often find ourselves facing struggle, dissatisfaction and disorientation until that fear, anxiety, and struggle break us of our attachments in that which is not of God. We are all too often haunted and assaulted by our “insecurities”: The prefix “in” means to be without such as– inability, inadequate, invisible etc. while the root word “secure” means to be grounded, attached even bound to something most often for stability. If we are not secure in the Lord and Him alone, we are “without” Him and without his security; we are like the ship tossed to and fro by the wind and the waves.

No matter where you are or what you are going through, I would challenge you to take some time to really reflect and remember who you are in Christ today. Be still and be alone with Him. Do not be afraid of whatever conflict you meet in your vulnerability, but embrace it as a means of developing character. I think these struggles are embedded into our lives sometimes to help us remember the value of what we really fight for every day; God actually allows it to show us the deeper story beneath our mundane and ordinary lives. He wants us to conquer what we are struggling with, tame it and bring order again to chaos. The challenges display how much we love what we are actually after– eternal life with Jesus. In the same way, think about the conflict and trial Christ endured His whole life up to the cross just to show us how much He loves us.  

The Bible makes so much more sense when we are actively following Christ. If we study it at rest it is really hard to make sense of it. But out in the trenches, on the battlefield, it is breath, it is life and it is milk and honey to our souls. As we try and live the life we were called to live, we will struggle because in the world you are facing equal and opposite resistance; you will face doubt and criticism, but belief is what makes it real. 

Just keep going, one step at a time. Jesus Christ moved through the place where fear would collapse most men and His ambition conquered the fear.

Luke 5:1-11

Here’s the story:

Jesus is pretty much a total celebrity at this point because he has been healing all these people and his ministry is at a peak. So there is this mob of people hoarding around him (aching to hear what He says and probably curious to see what He will do next) on the banks of this lake. At this point, Jesus walks up to this fisherman, Simon, as he is cleaning his nets getting ready for the next day of fishing. He basically just hops on into Simon’s boat and asks him to push him out into the water away from the people so he is not bombarded. 

First, He teaches the crowd of people and after that decides to tell these fishermen they need to go fishing again…they had a long, hard night the night before and caught nothing and yet Jesus tells them, to go out and fish again, right now. They obey, reluctantly, and what do you know? They catch such a HUGE net full of fish that their nets were breaking.

Here’s the story I heard behind the story:

And when he had finished speaking he said to Simon, “Put out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch.” And Simon answered, “Master, we struggled all night and caught nothing! But at your word I will let down the nets.”  (v. 4-5)

Sometimes we have to learn to trust God by doing exactly what we have been doing every day, over and over again. These fishermen had been fishing every day for probably years, and then all of the sudden Jesus comes along and makes their job new again.

He tells us to trust Him, leave the bank and cast out into the deep (direct parallel to whatever you feel he has called you to do) even if you might have been there before and found nothing.

I am at this season of my life where often I feel overwhelmed by the tasks at hand, but through this scripture I felt like Jesus made something clear: Even if you have tried something before, sometimes God calls us to do it over again, maybe numerous times. But the difference comes when you ask yourself: are you doing it with him, or ignorantly trying to control and perform with your own abilities? How often we think we know everything and think we have control of our jobs and lives. I do, all the time, only to be blown away by things going completely another direction.

 “And when they had done this, they enclosed a large number of fish, and their nets were breaking. They signaled to their partners in the other boat to come and help them.” (v. 7)

When the fishermen trusted the Lord and did as He asked, they pulled in exactly what they had been striving after for so long. So much so, they could not even contain the amount…what they found exceeded every expectation and broke their worldly limitations.

Whatever place you are in right now, sometimes it’s a really heavy load to try and pull in all God has given you. Which is why, I think God was trying to remind me how I am not alone in this place of my life.  “They signaled to their partners…to come and help them.” How often, in the midst of the heavy loads and hard times do we ask for help?

Even the Godhead Himself is 3 in 1 and over and over he reminds us how it is not good for man to be alone: ex. Genesis 2:18, Ecc 4:10

But when Simon Peter saw it, he fell down at Jesus’ knees, saying, “Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord.” For he and all who were with him were astonished at the catch of fish that they had taken… (v. 8-9)

Peter’s response to this was not excitement of how much worldly wealth he had acquired with his friends, but instead his response was to stop what he was doing and fall at the feet of Jesus, declaring his sinfulness. He fell before God recognizing his own sinfulness and becoming aware of how Jesus is enough.

And Jesus said to Simon, “Do not be afraid; from now on you will be catching men.” And when they had brought their boats to the land, they left everything and followed him.” (v. 10-11)

Jesus patiently and humbly never throws his divinity and sovereignty in our faces when we realize our sinfulness, but lovingly calls us to remember the Truth of who we are in the midst of our lives every day. No matter what we do from day to day, we are called to love others because He first loved us. As simple as that sounds, its not a formula and it looks different for all of us.

For me, I cannot be reminded enough to stop getting distracted by the things I cannot control. Instead I need to remember to approach my day to day life with joyful uncertainty, completely trusting God things will happen as they should.

ABIDE in Him as He ABIDES in you.  That word just gets me every time…

Surrender vs. Sacrifice

"For I desire mercy and not sacrifice; knowledge of God and not burnt offerings." 

Hosea 6:6 

After reading this verse in Hosea, all I could think about were two words: surrender and sacrifice. What do these two words look like in life and what is the difference between the two?

To surrender means to relinquish possession or control to another, to submit to the power, authority, and control of another....I think the step that follows surrendering to God is an act of sacrifice– the action of actually giving up these things. Surrender is to accept the call before you, but sacrifice is the literal carrying out of surrender.

"Surrendering (He accepted His call) to the Father’s will, He emptied Himself, became man and was found in the form of a servant whereby the Lord Jesus willingly gave Himself sacrificially (actually carried out in His life and through actions) that God’s will might be fulfilled in and though His life and death." 

Christ voluntarily surrendered Himself (emptied Himself) and anything and everything that stood in the way of the glory and gain of His Father through the sacrifice of His life.

Jesus' sacrifices actually began when He emptied himself of His privileges and the prerogatives that were His as the second person of the Trinity. In becoming man, He veiled and laid aside the voluntary use and glory of His many attributes as God the Son. Then, in this life on earth, He did without wealth, position, status, and even acceptance in that He was rejected by His own.

Surrendering to God’s agenda may mean sacrificing the things we hold most precious—our goods, reputation, comfort, convenience, and a whole list of other things we hold so tightly in our hands as well as those things we hope and plan for.

While part of our surrender is sacrificing those things that are appealing to our flesh, Jesus paid the ultimate sacrifice; a sacrifice much bigger than our minor inconveniences. He sacrificed Himself for us, we surrender to this Truth. This Truth, that Jesus died for us so that we might live in freedom with Him, changes everything. It is almost impossible for us to even comprehend what that may mean, but that is why we continue to worship Him and continue to seek knowledge of Him...our entire lives are a process of sanctification, preparing us for the day we will come to know Him and the fullness of the Truth that set us free.

"He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God." 

Micah 6:8 

Lord, help me surrender my life to you every hour of every single day because you paid the sacrifice for me. Forgive us for our lack of understanding, but give us your living hope as we walk in faith. Help me know the Truth of who you are more and more...

"Faith is not the absence of doubt, but the presence of belief."

All things work by good design for those who believe.

4 weeks down.

First two weeks I was in survival mode. I fought through the days with a strong confidence on the outside, but the second the bell rang and the kids were out the door, my eyes gave way to tears.

I would not go as far as to say things have gotten easier, but every day has been different. I have managed to get in somewhat of a routine. Alarm goes off at 5:00am every morning, head straight to the coffee pot and then proceed to transform my image into this new teacher look I've got going on: J. Crew outfits dominate my closet, Nike shorts and T-shirts are reserved for the second I walk back in the door.

6:10am-6:40am
Commuting via carpool to school with my wonderful colleagues.

6:40am-7:30am
Consists of mainly coaxing the copy machine to work, conversations with my stapler, singing aloud to my favorite wake-up songs in my room as I prepare to face the day etc. 

7:30am-8:30am
My first student, same one every day, walks in at 7:30am on the dot. I love this little boy, he cannot sit still...whether army crawling on the floor, bouncing up and down in his chair, or dancing between the desks I am convinced this muffin has ants in pants. My homeroom class has quickly become my little family. They eat breakfast (a delicious Title 1 meal with absolutely zero nutrition such as pizza or corn dogs) in my room then spend a half an hour practicing reading. Currently, I read to them a few days a week out of "James and the Giant Peach" by Ronald Dhal. I take my place in the reading chair while my children gather around me like my baby ducklings. They love when I read to them and especially when I read in accents, "Oooo Miss Pitts, how you do that?! You sound like you from English."

8:35am-9:45am
First period class consists of my homeroom plus about 10 more kids who file in. My students are grouped by standardized test scores and this class is my lowest performing. They are all on a 3rd grade reading level, some even lower. I have noticed I show significantly more joy and energy in this class...haven't yet figured out how to pace myself.

9:50am-11:00am
Second period class is nuts. There are so many of them, I just do not know how to make them stop talking. Its literally like mosquitos buzzing in my ear for 70 mins. I may resort to lighting some citronella candles in there.

11:00am-11:30am
6th grade lunch in the cafeteria aka CHAOS. This is when I put on my serious teacher face, stand in a corner of the cafeteria, and hover around my daily lunch detention crew. They sit there eating their lunch in silence until eventually I sit down with them and torture them with questions:

Ms Pitts: "What good does it do to tell Javonte his mama is ugly? You do not even know his mom and he does not know yours."

Student: "But Ms. Pitts, nobody talks about my mama!"

Ms. Pitts: "He does not even know your mama, so why do you let it bother you? And why are you looking at me like you just sucked on a lemon?"

Student: "Ugh. Ms. Pitts I ain't doing that. I didn't do anything."

Ms. Pitts: "Go look at yourself in the mirror and I want to see you smile tomorrow."

11:30am-12:45pm
My planning period/my little time of serenity and sanity! Most days I just sit behind my desk, turn on Josh Garrels, eat lunch and pray for my kids until I am ready to actually be productive again.

12:50pm-2:00pm
Fifth period is my "highest" achieving class, therefore their behavior is probably the best. As far as I can tell they appear to actually be learning, but there are some relationships kindling between some of the boys and girls...lets just say the notes I pick up make me laugh. So romantic.

2:05pm-3:15pm
I mentally prepare for Sixth period like preparing for battle..."Breathe Jennie, just breathe." Walk in to my class in this time period and I can promise you, as your jaw drops from the chaos and you plug your ears to muffle the noise level, you will walk out with a story. The second they enter the room quickly transforms into a jungle of all kinds of monkeys from gorillas to chimpanzees and spider monkeys. Please someone send me a taser or some form of behavior management weapon...these kids are crazy.

Aside from the two fist fights I broke up in that class, we are slowly building our relationship and I am working my way through this challenge with a stern face. I am determined to reach these kids...one by one, they WILL behave, they WILL learn and they WILL respect.

3:30pm 
The teacher across the hallway has a little boy in kindergarten...every day when the clock strikes half past 3:00pm, my little sunshine runs in my door and bounds and leaps in my lap. Every day, he is my day maker. For all you single gentlemen out there, I would recommend taking some lessons from a 5 year old, hes officially conquered my heart...

Although school is over at 3:15pm every day, somehow I do not usually return home until around 5:30pm. The second sixth period is over, I take a deep breath, clean up my room, organize my papers and spend some time gathering myself for the next day.

"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not recieve the kingdom of God like a child will never enter it." –Luke 18:15-17

All through out the day, little heads constantly pop in and out of my door in passing just to say hello. Little do they know each small voice feeds whatever it is within me that keeps me going. Even though I do not know what I am doing most days, I deeply care about my students. I truly believe all things work by good design for those who believe.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men..." –Colossians 3:23

What is prayer?

The word Psalms comes from a Greek word which means, "a song sung to the accompaniment of a musical instrument." 

On rainy days my mood becomes somber and calmed, while on sunny days my mood seems to lift. I like to think of a soundtrack playing in the background of my life...on good days, I walk with a pep in my step and its almost like I'm dancing to jazz or skipping to some folk music, but on rainy days, my head hangs lower and I love my slow chill Josh Garrels music. Every day, the songs I sing to God change with the music playing in the background of my life. While we cannot always control our circumstances or what weather comes, we can control how we respond to what comes our way every day.

The Psalms are prayers; David's intimate and personal response to the different seasons in his life. Sometimes he sings praises, while in others I cannot find apparent joy but only remorse or pain. I love the authenticity of the psalms, they make me feel like I am not alone in the way I feel sometimes. I realize it is okay to be mad or upset or in pain or confused, and then there are days when things make complete sense and all I can do is praise Him with a smile. The most valuable thing we can begin to learn about prayer is God just wants us to come exactly how we are; in honesty and truth.  

"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the stronghold of my life; whom shall I be afraid?"

                          –Psalm 27: 1

Light exposes us, it exposes the darkness in our lives and makes us recognize how hopeless and helpless we are without Jesus. When we finally begin to see how deeply Jesus loves us, we begin to see how near he is to us even on the days it may not feel like it.

Prayer is really just the realization we need Jesus and we just want to be with Him. The true meaning of prayer comes upon us when we finally become fully conscious of our brokenness.

What does prayer mean to you?

"I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage. Wait for the Lord."

                     –Psalms 27:13-14