"Nothing happens to anyone that he is not fitted by nature to bear." -Maximus

Tonight was one of those nights when I just wanted to come home, cuddle up in bed and escape the chaos of the world. So I found myself lying in my bed immersed in the relentless courage and valor of Maximus in Gladiator. Whether Maximus or William Wallace, something about the Savior character always manages to make my heart race and send tears streaming down my face by the end of the movie. This time, instead of tears came contemplation after Maximus states one of his many bold lines in the movie:

"Nothing happens to anyone that he is not fitted by nature to bear." 

At once I heard a voice in my head quietly murmuring, "What am I fitted by nature to bear?" In other words, I felt myself questioning if I really believe I am equipped enough for my own battles.

When was the last time I indisputably believed, without question, God is enough for me?

As a child, my innate adventurous and daring nature took me racing through fields bareback on horses, swimming in cool summer streams, climbing to the highest branches and fully believing the world was at my fingertips. Back then, I never once questioned what people would think of me, or if I was good enough. In my world, horses could talk and nothing inhibited my outrageous imagination. There were no limits, whatsoever, to possibility and no one could convince me otherwise.

No wonder Jesus told his disciples,"...unless you become like children you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven." Matthew 18:3

And no wonder his Spirit inspires people today, like JK Rowling and CS Lewis, to write children's books about magical worlds and flying dragons.

And no wonder I still read them.

As we grow up we tend to question our own abilities again, and again. The world and whatever forces at work within it seem to bridle our childhood fearlessness and instill in us a foreign sense of self-doubt. The Truth of who we were born to be in Eden was interrupted by the serpents question, "But did God say...". Today it is the same voice of the Fall that makes us reach for control and doubt if God has provided enough for us. Instead of listening to the whisper of who we were created to be, we listen to the voice of the world screaming at us to become who we think we should be. 

Our royal identity as Sons and Daughters of the King of all Kings is now the object of our insecurities; what was once so indisputably ingrained in us when we were formed has now become the birthplace of our deepest fears.

I don't know about you, but I would much rather be the little girl who races through fields and relentlessly believes, even when it doesn't make sense to believe; even if it means being disappointed over, and over again. Like Maximus, I want to carry myself with an air of true honor and courage; I want to believe without question, I have been completely and utterly equipped to bear all things, believe all things, endure all things because my Hope does not put me to shame.

So, the question is: who were you before you started questioning who you were? 

"Faith is not the absence of doubt but the presence of belief."

"My child, there is not happiness without courage, no virtue without sorrow."

"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 1 Corinthians 13:7

"Seek God to find Him, & find God to keep searching for God forever."

“Experience has taught me that I connect best with others when I connect with the core of myself. 

When I allow God to liberate me from unhealthy dependence on people, I listen more attentively, love more unselfishly, and am more compassionate and playful. 

I take myself less seriously, become aware that the breath of the Father is on my face.” 

- Brennan Manning

The last time I blogged, I was out of my boat, riding some scary and wild waves of trust and I had finally reached the great heights of exhilarating freedom. Now, here I am a few months later, still free-falling in the wake of a newfound understanding of Grace. I wake up every day looking up to majestic mountains out my bedroom window, praising God for who He is and who I am. My view of God continues to grow every day and with it, my own identity continues to be strengthened by Him and Him alone. Through my experiences here in Colorado, I have realized the simple truth of crying the Gospel with your life and communicating it through relationships. Each day I experience a deeper understanding of His love for me and everything in the world seems to point me back to it as I see it with fresh eyes.

Christianity is not a burden, it is not a legalistic set of rules, it is not a moral structure, you have nothing to prove; it is a real and severely intimate love affair with the only One who matters. 

Jesus Christ comes to us in our complete brokenness, in our insecurities, in our false sense of self-righteousness, and calls us his own. In Deuteronomy 4:24, God is described as a "consuming fire"... How many of us are only willing to draw close enough to this fire to be warmed and comforted, but not willing to be consumed by it and completely created new? I can honestly say I am often afraid to surrender everything to God. It is a scary thing to let go of control, but boy, oh boy, is it good. 

As Brennan Manning says, "I dare you to trust that (God) loves you just as you are, not as you should be. Because you are never going to be as you should be."

"Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the heart." Proverbs 21:12

3 minutes of Truth, well worth your time: