For the JOY set before Him He endured...

"But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him up and he arose."
                                                      Mark 9:27

Recently, I been fighting through a sort of wilderness, if you will; a wild season of what feels like immense conflict and trial. I have given up so much of my time and my life to this job in the middle of nowhere with kids who do not understand the meaning of respect. Day to day I have felt like I have been fighting a losing battle in an environment constantly inflicting a feeling of assault on my mind, body and spirit. For months I have come home and cried on the floor because I have felt like such a failure, but even more so because I felt like if I quit I would be failing all the people who support and believe in me.

But, I have finally reached a place where I can hear God reminding me of who I am in the midst of all this. He never intended me to be a martyr or slave to the world or to people. He came to redeem me, to free me and save me from the world and its pressures and darkness.

“‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice, for I came not to call the righteous, but the sinners.”
                                                                 Matthew 9:13

Through perseverance, prayer, and endurance, I am returning again to claiming my identity in Christ, not in others approval or in earning salvation through work. It begins with recognizing our own insecurities and the things that are not of God. If we have secured ourselves in seeking the approval of anyone or anything but God, we often find ourselves facing struggle, dissatisfaction and disorientation until that fear, anxiety, and struggle break us of our attachments in that which is not of God. We are all too often haunted and assaulted by our “insecurities”: The prefix “in” means to be without such as– inability, inadequate, invisible etc. while the root word “secure” means to be grounded, attached even bound to something most often for stability. If we are not secure in the Lord and Him alone, we are “without” Him and without his security; we are like the ship tossed to and fro by the wind and the waves.

No matter where you are or what you are going through, I would challenge you to take some time to really reflect and remember who you are in Christ today. Be still and be alone with Him. Do not be afraid of whatever conflict you meet in your vulnerability, but embrace it as a means of developing character. I think these struggles are embedded into our lives sometimes to help us remember the value of what we really fight for every day; God actually allows it to show us the deeper story beneath our mundane and ordinary lives. He wants us to conquer what we are struggling with, tame it and bring order again to chaos. The challenges display how much we love what we are actually after– eternal life with Jesus. In the same way, think about the conflict and trial Christ endured His whole life up to the cross just to show us how much He loves us.  

The Bible makes so much more sense when we are actively following Christ. If we study it at rest it is really hard to make sense of it. But out in the trenches, on the battlefield, it is breath, it is life and it is milk and honey to our souls. As we try and live the life we were called to live, we will struggle because in the world you are facing equal and opposite resistance; you will face doubt and criticism, but belief is what makes it real. 

Just keep going, one step at a time. Jesus Christ moved through the place where fear would collapse most men and His ambition conquered the fear.

Luke 5:1-11

Here’s the story:

Jesus is pretty much a total celebrity at this point because he has been healing all these people and his ministry is at a peak. So there is this mob of people hoarding around him (aching to hear what He says and probably curious to see what He will do next) on the banks of this lake. At this point, Jesus walks up to this fisherman, Simon, as he is cleaning his nets getting ready for the next day of fishing. He basically just hops on into Simon’s boat and asks him to push him out into the water away from the people so he is not bombarded. 

First, He teaches the crowd of people and after that decides to tell these fishermen they need to go fishing again…they had a long, hard night the night before and caught nothing and yet Jesus tells them, to go out and fish again, right now. They obey, reluctantly, and what do you know? They catch such a HUGE net full of fish that their nets were breaking.

Here’s the story I heard behind the story:

And when he had finished speaking he said to Simon, “Put out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch.” And Simon answered, “Master, we struggled all night and caught nothing! But at your word I will let down the nets.”  (v. 4-5)

Sometimes we have to learn to trust God by doing exactly what we have been doing every day, over and over again. These fishermen had been fishing every day for probably years, and then all of the sudden Jesus comes along and makes their job new again.

He tells us to trust Him, leave the bank and cast out into the deep (direct parallel to whatever you feel he has called you to do) even if you might have been there before and found nothing.

I am at this season of my life where often I feel overwhelmed by the tasks at hand, but through this scripture I felt like Jesus made something clear: Even if you have tried something before, sometimes God calls us to do it over again, maybe numerous times. But the difference comes when you ask yourself: are you doing it with him, or ignorantly trying to control and perform with your own abilities? How often we think we know everything and think we have control of our jobs and lives. I do, all the time, only to be blown away by things going completely another direction.

 “And when they had done this, they enclosed a large number of fish, and their nets were breaking. They signaled to their partners in the other boat to come and help them.” (v. 7)

When the fishermen trusted the Lord and did as He asked, they pulled in exactly what they had been striving after for so long. So much so, they could not even contain the amount…what they found exceeded every expectation and broke their worldly limitations.

Whatever place you are in right now, sometimes it’s a really heavy load to try and pull in all God has given you. Which is why, I think God was trying to remind me how I am not alone in this place of my life.  “They signaled to their partners…to come and help them.” How often, in the midst of the heavy loads and hard times do we ask for help?

Even the Godhead Himself is 3 in 1 and over and over he reminds us how it is not good for man to be alone: ex. Genesis 2:18, Ecc 4:10

But when Simon Peter saw it, he fell down at Jesus’ knees, saying, “Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord.” For he and all who were with him were astonished at the catch of fish that they had taken… (v. 8-9)

Peter’s response to this was not excitement of how much worldly wealth he had acquired with his friends, but instead his response was to stop what he was doing and fall at the feet of Jesus, declaring his sinfulness. He fell before God recognizing his own sinfulness and becoming aware of how Jesus is enough.

And Jesus said to Simon, “Do not be afraid; from now on you will be catching men.” And when they had brought their boats to the land, they left everything and followed him.” (v. 10-11)

Jesus patiently and humbly never throws his divinity and sovereignty in our faces when we realize our sinfulness, but lovingly calls us to remember the Truth of who we are in the midst of our lives every day. No matter what we do from day to day, we are called to love others because He first loved us. As simple as that sounds, its not a formula and it looks different for all of us.

For me, I cannot be reminded enough to stop getting distracted by the things I cannot control. Instead I need to remember to approach my day to day life with joyful uncertainty, completely trusting God things will happen as they should.

ABIDE in Him as He ABIDES in you.  That word just gets me every time…

Surrender vs. Sacrifice

"For I desire mercy and not sacrifice; knowledge of God and not burnt offerings." 

Hosea 6:6 

After reading this verse in Hosea, all I could think about were two words: surrender and sacrifice. What do these two words look like in life and what is the difference between the two?

To surrender means to relinquish possession or control to another, to submit to the power, authority, and control of another....I think the step that follows surrendering to God is an act of sacrifice– the action of actually giving up these things. Surrender is to accept the call before you, but sacrifice is the literal carrying out of surrender.

"Surrendering (He accepted His call) to the Father’s will, He emptied Himself, became man and was found in the form of a servant whereby the Lord Jesus willingly gave Himself sacrificially (actually carried out in His life and through actions) that God’s will might be fulfilled in and though His life and death." 

Christ voluntarily surrendered Himself (emptied Himself) and anything and everything that stood in the way of the glory and gain of His Father through the sacrifice of His life.

Jesus' sacrifices actually began when He emptied himself of His privileges and the prerogatives that were His as the second person of the Trinity. In becoming man, He veiled and laid aside the voluntary use and glory of His many attributes as God the Son. Then, in this life on earth, He did without wealth, position, status, and even acceptance in that He was rejected by His own.

Surrendering to God’s agenda may mean sacrificing the things we hold most precious—our goods, reputation, comfort, convenience, and a whole list of other things we hold so tightly in our hands as well as those things we hope and plan for.

While part of our surrender is sacrificing those things that are appealing to our flesh, Jesus paid the ultimate sacrifice; a sacrifice much bigger than our minor inconveniences. He sacrificed Himself for us, we surrender to this Truth. This Truth, that Jesus died for us so that we might live in freedom with Him, changes everything. It is almost impossible for us to even comprehend what that may mean, but that is why we continue to worship Him and continue to seek knowledge of Him...our entire lives are a process of sanctification, preparing us for the day we will come to know Him and the fullness of the Truth that set us free.

"He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God." 

Micah 6:8 

Lord, help me surrender my life to you every hour of every single day because you paid the sacrifice for me. Forgive us for our lack of understanding, but give us your living hope as we walk in faith. Help me know the Truth of who you are more and more...

"Faith is not the absence of doubt, but the presence of belief."

All things work by good design for those who believe.

4 weeks down.

First two weeks I was in survival mode. I fought through the days with a strong confidence on the outside, but the second the bell rang and the kids were out the door, my eyes gave way to tears.

I would not go as far as to say things have gotten easier, but every day has been different. I have managed to get in somewhat of a routine. Alarm goes off at 5:00am every morning, head straight to the coffee pot and then proceed to transform my image into this new teacher look I've got going on: J. Crew outfits dominate my closet, Nike shorts and T-shirts are reserved for the second I walk back in the door.

6:10am-6:40am
Commuting via carpool to school with my wonderful colleagues.

6:40am-7:30am
Consists of mainly coaxing the copy machine to work, conversations with my stapler, singing aloud to my favorite wake-up songs in my room as I prepare to face the day etc. 

7:30am-8:30am
My first student, same one every day, walks in at 7:30am on the dot. I love this little boy, he cannot sit still...whether army crawling on the floor, bouncing up and down in his chair, or dancing between the desks I am convinced this muffin has ants in pants. My homeroom class has quickly become my little family. They eat breakfast (a delicious Title 1 meal with absolutely zero nutrition such as pizza or corn dogs) in my room then spend a half an hour practicing reading. Currently, I read to them a few days a week out of "James and the Giant Peach" by Ronald Dhal. I take my place in the reading chair while my children gather around me like my baby ducklings. They love when I read to them and especially when I read in accents, "Oooo Miss Pitts, how you do that?! You sound like you from English."

8:35am-9:45am
First period class consists of my homeroom plus about 10 more kids who file in. My students are grouped by standardized test scores and this class is my lowest performing. They are all on a 3rd grade reading level, some even lower. I have noticed I show significantly more joy and energy in this class...haven't yet figured out how to pace myself.

9:50am-11:00am
Second period class is nuts. There are so many of them, I just do not know how to make them stop talking. Its literally like mosquitos buzzing in my ear for 70 mins. I may resort to lighting some citronella candles in there.

11:00am-11:30am
6th grade lunch in the cafeteria aka CHAOS. This is when I put on my serious teacher face, stand in a corner of the cafeteria, and hover around my daily lunch detention crew. They sit there eating their lunch in silence until eventually I sit down with them and torture them with questions:

Ms Pitts: "What good does it do to tell Javonte his mama is ugly? You do not even know his mom and he does not know yours."

Student: "But Ms. Pitts, nobody talks about my mama!"

Ms. Pitts: "He does not even know your mama, so why do you let it bother you? And why are you looking at me like you just sucked on a lemon?"

Student: "Ugh. Ms. Pitts I ain't doing that. I didn't do anything."

Ms. Pitts: "Go look at yourself in the mirror and I want to see you smile tomorrow."

11:30am-12:45pm
My planning period/my little time of serenity and sanity! Most days I just sit behind my desk, turn on Josh Garrels, eat lunch and pray for my kids until I am ready to actually be productive again.

12:50pm-2:00pm
Fifth period is my "highest" achieving class, therefore their behavior is probably the best. As far as I can tell they appear to actually be learning, but there are some relationships kindling between some of the boys and girls...lets just say the notes I pick up make me laugh. So romantic.

2:05pm-3:15pm
I mentally prepare for Sixth period like preparing for battle..."Breathe Jennie, just breathe." Walk in to my class in this time period and I can promise you, as your jaw drops from the chaos and you plug your ears to muffle the noise level, you will walk out with a story. The second they enter the room quickly transforms into a jungle of all kinds of monkeys from gorillas to chimpanzees and spider monkeys. Please someone send me a taser or some form of behavior management weapon...these kids are crazy.

Aside from the two fist fights I broke up in that class, we are slowly building our relationship and I am working my way through this challenge with a stern face. I am determined to reach these kids...one by one, they WILL behave, they WILL learn and they WILL respect.

3:30pm 
The teacher across the hallway has a little boy in kindergarten...every day when the clock strikes half past 3:00pm, my little sunshine runs in my door and bounds and leaps in my lap. Every day, he is my day maker. For all you single gentlemen out there, I would recommend taking some lessons from a 5 year old, hes officially conquered my heart...

Although school is over at 3:15pm every day, somehow I do not usually return home until around 5:30pm. The second sixth period is over, I take a deep breath, clean up my room, organize my papers and spend some time gathering myself for the next day.

"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not recieve the kingdom of God like a child will never enter it." –Luke 18:15-17

All through out the day, little heads constantly pop in and out of my door in passing just to say hello. Little do they know each small voice feeds whatever it is within me that keeps me going. Even though I do not know what I am doing most days, I deeply care about my students. I truly believe all things work by good design for those who believe.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men..." –Colossians 3:23

What is prayer?

The word Psalms comes from a Greek word which means, "a song sung to the accompaniment of a musical instrument." 

On rainy days my mood becomes somber and calmed, while on sunny days my mood seems to lift. I like to think of a soundtrack playing in the background of my life...on good days, I walk with a pep in my step and its almost like I'm dancing to jazz or skipping to some folk music, but on rainy days, my head hangs lower and I love my slow chill Josh Garrels music. Every day, the songs I sing to God change with the music playing in the background of my life. While we cannot always control our circumstances or what weather comes, we can control how we respond to what comes our way every day.

The Psalms are prayers; David's intimate and personal response to the different seasons in his life. Sometimes he sings praises, while in others I cannot find apparent joy but only remorse or pain. I love the authenticity of the psalms, they make me feel like I am not alone in the way I feel sometimes. I realize it is okay to be mad or upset or in pain or confused, and then there are days when things make complete sense and all I can do is praise Him with a smile. The most valuable thing we can begin to learn about prayer is God just wants us to come exactly how we are; in honesty and truth.  

"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the stronghold of my life; whom shall I be afraid?"

                          –Psalm 27: 1

Light exposes us, it exposes the darkness in our lives and makes us recognize how hopeless and helpless we are without Jesus. When we finally begin to see how deeply Jesus loves us, we begin to see how near he is to us even on the days it may not feel like it.

Prayer is really just the realization we need Jesus and we just want to be with Him. The true meaning of prayer comes upon us when we finally become fully conscious of our brokenness.

What does prayer mean to you?

"I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage. Wait for the Lord."

                     –Psalms 27:13-14

I smile when I look up

Its been quite difficult to grasp one of the thousands of thoughts constantly racing through my head before it disappears into the fleeting abyss of my mind. But, I have managed to find rest in simply living in moments of clarity, moments of joy, moment upon moment of truly accepting life for what it brings.

This is a new season for me, its a season of truly living out faith in a new and unfamiliar place. I no longer have hours of college-life to sit still, read, write and absorb the beauty of music, language and art. A bud can only absorb so much from its source before it must burst with color and life. Its time to open up to a new place in the world and share the shades of color I have conjured up to this point. 

Charleston, SC 

I am about to begin teaching 6th grade social stuides at a school in Holly Hill, South Carolina. I have few memories about what it was like to be in middle school, but from what I remember, its not easy. Hormones are raging and its that time in your life when you have little idea of who you are or what you aspire to become. These kiddos just need direction as I needed then and continue to need now. As their teacher, I really just want to serve as a source of inspiration and hope for them.

Coming from a entirely different society and culture this rural school is unfamiliar and the people are intriguingly different. I am nervous of the change coming, but also eagerly anticipating a new perspective and clearer understanding of the world I live in.

As all things with Him turn out to be–all things work for the good of those who love Him. I believe and know He is with me and guiding me down this twisting and turning path. I smile when I look up because there I see peace and gentle rest. Creation echos a reminder that even when we are frustrated by our inability to understand circumstance, manifestations of divine comfort cushion the harsh realities around us. Our only reasonable option is to rely on the Word and the promises of God. 

“I may repeat "Do as you would be done by" till I am black in the fact, but I cannot really carry it out till I love my neighbour as myself: and I cannot learn to love my neighbour as myself till I learn to love God: and I cannot learn to love God except by learning to obey Him. And so, as I warned you, we are driven on to something more inward - driven on from social matters to religious matters. For the longest way round is the shortest way home." 

–C.S. Lewis 

Dream big.

Enjoy your story.

Dark Side of the Lens

Live creatively. 

I feel changed.

"It is a bit exhausting to hear over and over again how "awesome" you are when you, in fact, know very well you are not." -Katie Davis

I understand Katie Davis. I understand the truth of how I am not as "awesome" as people cut me out to be. My whole life I have believed the lie that I must meet the expectations set before me. I strive to work harder and harder, then wind up tired and empty.

I have spent my whole life in a comfortable bubble. I have always made A's on my report cards and had access to the best schools. I have always lived in the financial safety net of my parents. I have a solid support system in friends and family. I have never fought a life-threatening sickness. I have never even broken a bone. I do not know what its like to fear for my life. I do not know what its like to live in the midst of life-altering drugs or raging alcohol addictions. I have never had to fight for the freedom to be completely myself.

Living amongst the most diverse group of people I have ever encountered in my life, I feel changed.

No matter how hard I work for these kids, no matter how much I want them to succeed, no matter how many days I do not sleep trying to make the greatest lesson plans, I wind up tired and empty again. I realize life is not about what I can do to save the world. Life is about adoring the one who made life at all.

"In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me." Phil 4:12-13

Try as I may, try as I might I will never meet the expectations of humans, but praise Jesus He met them for me. Without Jesus, I wind up chocking for air in a sandstorm of expectations and worldly desires.

So yes, I feel changed, but changed in a humble kind of way knowing every face around me has the same story. The one who makes our heart beat and gave us breathe sent his only Son to save us all, He came and died so that we may live. God sees our righteousness even at our worst, and yearns to set us free.

Where we end, He is just beginning.

Teach for America Institute

"We habitually and instinctively look to other things besides God and his grace as our justification, hope, significance and security. We believe the gospel at one level, but at deeper levels we do not. Human approval, professional success, power and influence, family and clan identity- all of these things serve as our heart’s “functional trust” rather than what Christ has done, and as a result we continue to be driven to a great degree by fear, anger, and lack of self-control. You cannot change such things through mere will-power, through learning Biblical principles and trying to carry them out. We can only change permanently as we take the gospel more deeply into our understanding and into our hearts. We must feed on the gospel, as it were, digesting it and making it part of ourselves. That is how we grow." -Tim Keller

A quick update:

Life has been crazy, its amazing how quickly 3 weeks has flown by. The days are long, but the weeks go by quick. I am currently in Atlanta, GA living in the dorms of Georgia Tech with about 750 other TFA corps members. The South Carolina (there are only 86 of us), New Orleans (250+), Atlanta (250+), Ohio (35 members) and a few smaller regions are all together at institute to train. We all wake up around 5:15am then have breakfast at 6:00am and we are all on school buses by 6:30am to be transported to our assigned inner city schools. I was placed at Brown Middle School in the neighborhood where Martin Luther King grew up. My kids will go from this middle school to Booker T. Washington HS, where MLK graduated from. I am currently teaching an 8th grade English class from 9:00-9:55am with about 12 kids...all African American and carrying lots of baggage from home. Theres a story behind every one of their little faces.

The time I am not teaching, we are rigorously working in classrooms in workshops and lecture sessions. Its an extremely overwhelming amount of information to absorb and my brain often feels like mush. But, I am still alive and thanks to Camp Ozark, I know my limits and how to take care of myself. I refuse to sacrifice sleep, exercise and nutrition so I am one of the few who still has my head held high. People are quickly realizing how things start tumbling down the second you stop taking care of yourself. Its about that time when people are starting to quit and give up, there have been lots of tears and break downs around this place. Good thing, I love to encourage people! haha. 

I am having a hard time learning how to lesson plan, but I know it will come. I just have to keep trying and learning from failures. I'll admit, its not easy at all. I love my kids and I know they know I care, but its hard to make learning "fun" for them. I feel like, they are so desensitized to failure that they really dont care about grades and they are just not motivated in school. Last week I taught them about MLK's "I Have a Dream" speech and we had to find the methods he uses to advance his argument (allusions, repetition and metaphors). Something that is so easy for you and I is like a foreign language to them. Most of them, cannot even write complete sentences. They cant spell and they have a hard time reading. It brings tears to my eyes to think about how privileged I have been...why was I born in such a wonderful home? I could have been born into this situation just like them. 

I may never have such an incredible opportunity to be exposed to such diversity again. Just within TFA I walk down the hallway and there are 10 different accents from all around the country, there are Buddists, Muslims, Jewish, Atheistic people and then I go to these schools and the culture is like nothing I have ever known....this is an amazing experience. It is bringing out my strengths, but more importantly forcing me to see my weaknesses and face them. 

I could go on and on, but I have to get back to lesson planning! All that to say, I am in an incredible place of growth and I could not do it without your support! I love you all so much and I am so beyond thankful for the people in my life!! 

Thank you for your prayers and encouragement, you have no idea how refreshing it is just knowing you all are behind me.

Miss Pitts :)

"Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more." Luke 12:48

The Mountaintop

The days have been long and every day I crawl into bed only to fall into deep sleep, but there is a peace flooding over me. Since I arrived about a week ago, my Teach for America training has been a whirlwind. Tonight is the first night I have sat down to even try to process anything. I still do not know my placement, where I will move when we get back on July 23, who I will live with, what school I will teach at, what class I will specifically teach, and on top of all this I found out last week I have to re-take this treacherous standardized test on Saturday at 6:30am. Its really beyond me how or why I have not been overcome by anxiety since I have had every opportunity to succumb to it. At this point, I am so thankful to be here because I know this is exactly where I am meant to be. Every day I feel myself climbing this steep hill, but I refuse to take my eyes off the mountain top. I can see the light from above and all I can think about is how I just want to do God's will. I know I will stumble and I know I will fall, but more than that I know He will help me up.

"Well, I don't know what will happen now. We've got some difficult days ahead. But it really doesn't matter with me now, because I've been to the mountaintop."

-MLK Jr. 

Beginning on Monday, I get the chance to teach my own class of 8th grade English and we are ironically analyzing one of Martin Luther King Jr.'s speeches. He grew up near this middle school and went to the high school my students will go to next year. After reading his speech, the passage above stood out to me. Dr. King had wisdom and he knew something about a hope many have yet to discover. 

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."

Romans 12:12

Thank you for your prayers, they are powerful and effective. It is only the beginning of a long two years and I cannot wait to share my experiences with you! I will try to continue writing, but be patient with me.  

Freely Give

The time has finally arrived, I leave Monday for a long summer of TFA training in Atlanta, GA. As I prepare, I have been reading and re-reading my favorite story about Jesus walking on water in Matthew 14. It always inspires me to get out of the boat and experience defying gravity and the laws of nature with Jesus Christ. Even when we sink (which we always will, over and over again), all we have to do is cry out for Him to help us and scripture says, "Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him..." We have to persevere even in the face of trial and difficulty; it is in the midst of the wind and the waves we are lifted up NOT by ourselves, but by Jesus' strength alone. Faith believes when everything around you tries to dissuade you, faith makes possible the impossible.

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33 

There is a story preceding Jesus walking on water, about Jesus feeding five thousand with a few loaves and fishes. 

But Jesus said, “They need not go away; you give them something to eat.” They said to him, “We have only five loaves here and two fish.” And he said, “Bring them here to me.” Matthew 14:16-18

Initially Jesus gives us gifs and the things we have, but until we surrender and lay them at his feet, He cannot use them to feed the thousands. What loaves and fishes have I yet to bring to Him? He freely gives me my life, but not just for myself. It is easy for us to get caught up in ourselves and believing what we have is for the benefit of ourselves, but how much could we give of our lives if we let go of the burden and allow Jesus to perform the miracle. He does not ask us to solve the world's hunger, he just asks the disciples to bring Him something to work with. The gift is not our gifts themselves, but in the experience of handing them over to Jesus and trusting Him to use them for His glory, not our own. 


What does that look like for us right now?


Personally, it is recognizing how pride has deceivingly caused me to believe I have little or nothing to give. I can relate to the disciples when they approach Jesus with a measly five loaves and two fish...they must be thinking "Wow, this is nothing and definitely not enough to feed five thousand people! There is no way we can even attempt to feed all these people."


How immature and prideful of us to limit God and believe He cannot do the impossible. Once again, our lack of belief in God's power inhibits not only us, but God Himself...how much more could we do for the Kingdom if we truly believed in God's power to work through measly humans like us? We cannot pretend to know how God uses us, but we can surrender our lives in complete faith knowing he does use us. We have been equipped with many gifts and have no right to deserve any praise for anything, but Jesus has every right to use us, we are His. Serve the least of your brothers when they are hungry, thirsty or need something to wear. The hardest part for me is trying to feed those who do not recognize their own hunger, but then recognizing I fall into that category also.

"Home Again" by Michael Kiwanuka

Home again, Home again
One day I know
I'll feel home again
Born again, Born again


One day I know

I'll feel strong again

I left my head

Many times I've been told

All this talk will make you old

So I close my eyes

Look behind

Moving on, moving on

So I close my eyes

Look behind

Moving on

Lost again, Lost again

One day I know

Our Paths will Cross again

Smile again , Smile again

One day I hope 

To make you smile again

I won't hide

Many times I've been told

Speak your mind, just be bold

So I close my eyes

Look behind

Moving on, moving on

So I close my eyes

And the tears will clear

Then I feel no fear

Then I'd feel no way

My paths will remain straight

Home again, Home again

One day I know

I'll feel home again

Home again, Home again

One day I know

I'll feel strong again

I left my head

Many times I've been told

All this talk will make you old

So I close my eyes

Look behind

Moving on, moving on

So I close my eyes

Look behind

Moving on

HAPPY GRADUATION!

Blue Like Jazz

Tonight I saw the movie, Blue Like Jazz.

My favorite book was turned into a screenplay. Like most books turned into movies, it was nothing like the book for those of you who were wondering...same kind of message, but the plot is totally different. Apparently, Penny and I look alike. Jennie and Penny...thats cute. She's awesome, so I guess I feel good about it.

Word of the day: "authenticity"

Authenticity: undisputed credibility; not false or copied; genuine

Like the book, this movie reminded me of a severely lacking authenticity of faith in our culture. At our private, Baptist University, faith is so easily copied. Its so easy to walk out your door every morning and be the same person you were yesterday. To smile the same smile and say the same things to the same people without them ever knowing how different you feel every day. This sameness kills me. A copy is the same, but not the real deal. Its value is depleted and unoriginal.

"Even our beliefs have become trend statements. We don’t even believe things because we believe them anymore. We only believe things because they are cool things to believe."

 -Donald Miller

Its cool to believe in Jesus here. You hear things like, "Jesus is my homeboy", "Me and Jesus are tight", "I don't need a boy, I'm datin' my man, Jesus"...I'll be the first to admit I have for sure said these very statements in complete sarcasm.

But, when do we ever talk about the hard things? When do we ever talk about the undisputed credibility of what it really looks like to believe and follow Jesus, especially when life gets hard? When do we admit our struggles with lust, greed, pride? Humans are a wretched breed, fallen and broken, every single one of us...we all need saving from ourselves, but we are so scared to show our own struggles and need for something bigger than anything we think we can control.

The college scene in Blue Like Jazz displays a place about as far from the "fake college christian bubble" as you can get...its the most radically different environment where normal is not cookie-cutter christian, normal is everything absurd, everything rebellious, everything anti-cliche christian. But, what most people inside the bubble don't understand is how Jesus dwells there too. Sometimes we have to let ourselves fall into complete disorder and chaos before we find meaning...there is order in chaos.

"And once you live a good story, you get a taste for a kind of meaning in life, and you can't go back to being normal; you can't go back to meaningless scenes stitched together by the forgettable thread of wasted time." 

-Donald Miller

So let me remind us, you and me, to get out of the boat and walk on water...do not be afraid to leave what is comfortable and safe. Do not settle for a life in the safe-zone of no challenges and like-minded people. Challenge yourself, surround yourself with people who are different than you every day. Be bold, be brave and let God show you what life is like when you die to yourself and let Him live in you. Oh and please, oh please, I give you full permission, if I am not out of the boat when you see me next time to throw me overboard and let me experience the wind and the waves...even if I appear afraid, I want nothing more than a life of walking on water with my man, JC. 

"Dying for something is easy because it is associated with glory. Living for something is the hard thing. Living for something extends beyond fashion, glory, or recognition. We live for what we believe.”

-Donald Miller

"To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some." 

1 Corinthians 9:22

God's plan is not a roadmap

A wonderful friend shared this with me and I want to share this with you...

"God certainly gives us glimmers of clarity, and assurance that we are where He wants us to be—but that doesn’t mean we suddenly become omniscient. Our knowing always remains in part, leaving us weak and dependent. In other words, embracing our finitude and limited understanding is exactly where God wants us to be so that our strength is in Him and not ourselves. But this wanting to know how things will play out lingers in the recesses of my mind. Perhaps it’s because I am easily fixated on what I’m doing rather than on who I am becoming. Without a doubt, when someone asks what God’s will is for their lives they really mean “what does God want me to do with my life?” They assume there is some direct bat-line to the Holy Spirit to answer that question, or there is a trick to knowing God’s will."

Read the rest of this article... http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/deeper-walk/features/28933-gods-plan-isnt-a-roadmap

A Matter of the Heart

There are many things going on in my life from preparing for Teach for America Institue to graduating from college and leaving relationships and a place I have come to call home. I have found myself uneasy and in a place of little control. Time is passing quickly and I cannot, even if I want to, control several things in my life. I want it to slow down. I want it to speed up. I want to know what will happen in the future. I want to know what city in South Carolina I will be. I want to know the children's names and faces and smiles I will encounter in the duration of the next 2 years. I want to know if I can even handle this. I want to know my friends will still be there when I come back.

God has been teaching me a great deal about understanding the matters of our heart. The things we do every day, the emotions we feel, the things we seek and desire, even the littlest trivial things we say...they are ALL reflections of the condition of our hearts. Our day to day lives and what we choose to do with them are a powerful way God speaks to us.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8

What it all comes down to is, do I really trust Jesus? Do I really believe in His faithfulness? We can live our lives in constant worry and anxiety about what will happen or we can reach out and grab hold of His hand. We can walk blindly knowing not where we are going, but who is leading us.

Look inside yourself and ask yourself why you care so much about where you are going? Who you are dating? Why you are feeling this way or that? What is it you are really seeking?

Perfect relevant example: we seek relationships because we really "like him or her" or "just need a boyfriend/girlfriend"...No, no really you just crave to be cared for, you crave to be loved and to know you are not alone. You want someone there to encourage you and adore you and help you on the good days and bad days. These things are not bad to desire in and of themselves, but seek Him first and these desires will be met. Relationships, whether plutonic friendships or romances, are not a means of securing your value and discovering purpose, they are a reflection of the way He first loved us. They are a reminder of Him. The way we love others should be a natural response to knowing Him and what He has done for you. Relationships are about sacrifice in response to the way Jesus loved and continues to love you.

What are things you crave today? What are your insecurities and what can they teach you about what God is trying to say to you?

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33

..and he will be the stability of your times, abundance of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge; the fear of the LORD is Zion’s treasure. Isa. 33:6

Good Will Hunting. Great Movie.

Watched "Good Will Hunting" for the first time tonight. It was amazing, go watch it if you have not already. Really got my mind going so here I am at 1:00am deep in thought...

"It is not that we are able to bring God into contact with our minds, but that we awaken ourselves to the point where God is able to convey his mind to US regarding the people for whom we intercede." -Oswald Chambers

People are mysteries–each and every one of us is a puzzle only God knows how to figure out. We walk around filling our days with busyness and obligations, people and conversations, all of it nonsense really. Every hour of every day we occupy ourselves or we find ourselves left to our own idleness. Everyone is lost, everyone is searching for meaning, for significance, even when they will not admit it. In the moments of solitude, questions arise and we find ourselves searching in vain or running from the questions.

"It is the spirit of man, the Breath of the Almighty that makes him understand." Job 32:8

This verse is one of my favorites because it reminds me how we cannot find meaning ourselves. We cannot find meaning until our hearts rest in God like Augustine once said, "Our hearts are restless until they rest in you." Every one is restless even the least likely, even the most chill or different people–those who we find extremely difficult to understand and those who may be too easy to understand. Who are you to say you know the depths of someone else's soul? The communion they have with God?

I walk down 6th street in Austin and I encounter prostitues, gays, gang members, transvestites, wandering businessmen...all people of whom I have very little in common with and I frankly cannot understand. But, I see something deeper going on...call it a curse or a gift, I feel like sometimes I can see into people's hearts. They all have a longing.

Jesus loves them. His love covers all people, the sins of the whole world. Even those people on 6th street need Him, they may just not be reaching out in the recognizable ways. But they are reaching out, they are screaming for attention through their actions. We ALL need Him.

"Put on then as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these, put on LOVE which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful." Colossians 3:12-15

May we all try and open our hearts and our minds to how Jesus views the world. Jesus, awaken us to your heart for others and may we then intercede for them in response to your love for us.

"For while we were still weak, at the right time, Christ died for the ungodly...but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God." Romans 5:6-8

That is why we are here. That is our meaning. That is our significance. To live is Christ.

Arise.

In response to a question: What are the differences in the words rise and arise?

Rise-
verb: Move from a lower position to a higher one "The sun rises in the morning"
noun: An upward movement; an instance of becoming higher: "the bird has a display flight of steep flapping rises".

Arise-
verb: Emerge; become apparent: "new difficulties had arisen".
Come into being; originate: "God arose Adam from the dust"

Rise seems to me it concludes once the action has been competed. Rise means to get up. Rise is an action that is performed in or through something that has already been brought into existence.
Arise seems to mean more than just to rise. Arise means to get up and the action continues...its keeps going. Arise is an action of bringing something from death to life. Arise can bring nothing into something.

A few verses:
Luke 15:18 Jesus says, "I will ARISE and go to my father, and I will say to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you.'"
Daniel talks a lot about Kingdoms ARISING and Kings ARISING...(8:22; 11:21; 7:24)
Eph. 5:13-14 "But when anything is exposed by light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says, 'Awake, O sleeper, and ARISE from the dead and Christ will come to you.'" (PS I'm working on memorizing this verse, theres something about it I cannot get away from...you should memorize it too and when I see you we can cite it together!)

John 11:23-24 Jesus says, 'Your brother (lazurus) will RISE again.' Martha said to him, 'I know he will RISE again in the resurrection on the last day.'
Luke 21:10 "Nation will RISE against nation, and kingdom against kingdom..."
Psalm 44:26 "RISE up; come to our help! Redeem us for the sake of your steadfast love."
Proverbs 31:28 "Her children RISE up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her."

For the most part the two words are pretty interchangeable, but it seems to me ARISE could be a more powerful word. Jesus Himself uses the word ARISE for the powerful action of Him returning to the Father. To ARISE is to bring life from death. When I think of ARISE I think of God breathing the breath of life into Adam...the image on the Sistine Chapel Michelangelo so perfectly painted of the Creation of Adam. On the other hand, RISE is a more common term used to describe the more mundane and typical. I guess, it just depends on your own use of the two words and how you personally interpret them.

Another question: What are the Psalms?

Psalm is the longest book in the Bible with 150 psalms, most written by King David, "favored by the Lord." Apparently, the word Psalms comes from a Greek word which means, "a song sung to the accompaniment of a musical instrument." I think thats beautiful and helps me understand....You know how on rainy days your mood becomes more somber and calmed, while on sunny days your mood seems to lift? I often think of my life as a soundtrack...on good days, I walk with a pep in my step and its almost like I'm dancing to jazz or skipping to some folk music, but on rainy days, my head hangs lower and I love my slow chill acoustic music, I sit for long periods of time and think to classical music. Every day, the songs I sing to God change with the music playing in the background of my life. While we have control of the songs we sing and how we respond to God, we don't have full control of circumstances, God determines those.

Therefore, the Psalms are David's response to different seasons of music in his life. Sometimes he sings praises, while in others I cannot seem to find any joy but just remorse or pain. I love the authenticity of the psalms, they make me feel like I am not alone in the way I feel sometimes. Some days I realize it is okay to be mad or upset or in pain or confused, and then there are also days when things make complete sense and all I can do is praise Him. The psalms are so diverse and address so many subjects. They are a beautiful songs of our lives.

Reminds me of one of my top 5 favorite verses: "For everything there is a season, a time for every matter under heaven" Ecc 3:1

Found this poem randomly, thought it was intriguing based on the topic of "Rise"...its a poem about perseverance when the world tells you to quit. Deep called to deep in this one.

"Still I Rise" poem by Maya Angelou

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Focus on Scripture, not worries by Rick Warren

“I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread.” (Job 23:12b NIV)

The Bible repeatedly urges us to meditate on who God is, what he has done, and what he has said.

It is impossible to be God’s friend apart from knowing what he says. You can’t love God unless you know him, and you can’t know him without knowing his Word. The Bible says God “revealed himself to Samuel through his word” (1 Samuel 3:21).

God still uses that method today. While you cannot spend all day studying the Bible, you can think about it throughout the day, recalling verses you have read or memorized and mulling them over in your mind.

Meditation is often misunderstood as some difficult, mysterious ritual practiced by isolated monks and mystics. But meditation is simply focused thinking — a skill anyone can learn and use anywhere.

When you think about a problem over and over in your mind, that’s called worry. When you think about God’s Word over and over, that’s meditation. If you know how to worry, you already know how to meditate! You just need to switch your attention from your problems to Bible verses. The more you meditate on God’s Word, the less you will have to worry about.

The reason God considered Job and David his close friends was that they valued his Word above everything else, and they thought about it continually throughout the day. Job admitted, “I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread” (Job 23:12).

When you read your Bible or hear a sermon or listen to a CD, don’t just forget it and walk away. Develop the practice of reviewing the truth in your mind, thinking about it over and over. The more time you spend reviewing what God has said, the more you will understand the “secrets” of this life that most people miss.

A humbling remark by AW Tozer...

"Man for all his genius is but an echo of the original Voice, a reflection of the uncreated Light. As a sunbeam perishes when cut off from the sun, so man apart from God would pass back into the void of nothingness from which he first leaped at the creative call."

A Song of Songs

I dont know what it is about listening to music when I exercise, but rhythm and beat and rhyme have a way of getting me through when I am tired. As songs build in my ears, I find my feet below me quicken in step. I run stronger and faster with the beat of the music. When the music slows, I breathe again and ease my pace. Its a funny thing...

Right now, as senior year comes quickly to a close, there is a song in my ears slowing my pace. I no longer want to run fast, I want to slow down and breathe again. It is time to soak in the scenery and walk, listening to the people around me and memorizing their faces.

I cherish this time with people so dear to me. As sad as I am to go, I find myself so grateful for the faces in my mind and forever on my heart, more importantly for their encouraging words echoing in my ears. This place and these people have given me a song I can forever hear in my heart, it is a song that never stops playing, a song that keeps me going when I get tired.

Thank you, dear friends, for your words...they will follow me where ever I go.

My Utmost for His Highest

I really enjoyed this devotional on Saturday, I wanted to share it with you!

He must increase, but I must decrease —John 3:30
If you become a necessity to someone else’s life, you are out of God’s will. As a servant, your primary responsibility is to be a “friend of the bridegroom” (John 3:29). When you see a person who is close to grasping the claims of Jesus Christ, you know that your influence has been used in the right direction. And when you begin to see that person in the middle of a difficult and painful struggle, don’t try to prevent it, but pray that his difficulty will grow even ten times stronger, until no power on earth or in hell could hold him away from Jesus Christ. Over and over again, we try to be amateur providences in someone’s life. We are indeed amateurs, coming in and actually preventing God’s will and saying, “This person should not have to experience this difficulty.” Instead of being friends of the Bridegroom, our sympathy gets in the way. One day that person will say to us, “You are a thief; you stole my desire to follow Jesus, and because of you I lost sight of Him.” Beware of rejoicing with someone over the wrong thing, but always look to rejoice over the right thing. “. . . the friend of the bridegroom . . . rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom’s voice. Therefore this joy of mine is fulfilled. He must increase, but I must decrease” (John 3:29-30). This was spoken with joy, not with sadness-at last they were to see the Bridegroom! And John said this was his joy. It represents a stepping aside, an absolute removal of the servant, never to be thought of again. Listen intently with your entire being until you hear the Bridegroom’s voice in the life of another person. And never give any thought to what devastation, difficulties, or sickness it will bring. Just rejoice with godly excitement that His voice has been heard. You may often have to watch Jesus Christ wreck a life before He saves it (see Matthew 10:34)

If you are in love — that’s a good thing — that’s about the best thing that can happen to anyone

In 1958, John Steinbeck, author of East of Eden, received a letter from his teenage son Thom, in which Thom expressed the situation of having fallen completely in love with a girl called Susan at the boarding school.

In response, Steinbeck wrote this beautiful letter back to him the same day. I think it is so thoughtful and sweet.

New York
November 10, 1958


Dear Thom:

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.

First — if you are in love — that’s a good thing — that’s about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don’t let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second — There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you — of kindness and consideration and respect — not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply — of course it isn’t puppy love.

But I don’t think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it — and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone — there is no possible harm in saying so — only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another — but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I’m glad you have it.

We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.

And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love,

Fa

Jesus Washes the Disciples Feet- Max Lucado

It has been a long day. Jerusalem is packed with Passover guests, most of whom clamor for a glimpse of the Teacher. The spring sun is warm. The streets are dry. And the disciples are a long way from home. A splash of cool water would be refreshing.
The disciples enter [the room], one by one, and take their places around the table. On the wall hangs a towel, and on the floor sits a pitcher and a basin. Any one of the disciples could volunteer for the job, but not one does.
After a few moments, Jesus stands and removes his outer garment. He wraps a servant’s girdle around his waist, takes up the basin, and kneels before one of the disciples. He unlaces a sandal and gently lifts the foot and places it in the basin, covers it with water, and begins to bathe it. One by one, one grimy foot after another, Jesus works his way down the row.
In Jesus’ day the washing of feet was a task reserved not just for servants but for the lowest of servants…The servant at the bottom of the totem pole was expected to be the one on his knees with the towel and basin.
In this case the one with the towel and basin is the king of the universe. Hands that shaped the stars now wash away filth. Fingers that formed mountains now massage toes. And the one before whom all nations will one day kneel now kneels before his disciples. Hours before his own death, Jesus’ concern is singular. He wants his disciples to know how much he loves them...
You can be sure Jesus knows the future of these feet he is washing. These twenty-four feet will not spend the next day following their master, defending his cause. These feet will dash for cover at the flash of a Roman sword. Only one pair of feet won’t abandon him in the garden. One disciple won’t desert him at Gethsemane—Judas won’t even make it that far! He will abandon Jesus that very night at the table…
What a passionate moment when Jesus silently lifts the feet of his betrayer and washes them in the basin!
Jesus knows what these men are about to do. He knows they are about to perform the vilest act of their lives. By morning they will bury their heads in shame and look down at their feet in disgust. And when they do, he wants them to remember how his knees knelt before them and he washed their feet…
He forgave their sin before they even committed it. He offered mercy before they even sought it.

He is the True God and Eternal Life.

"If anyone sees his brother committing a sin not leading to death, he shall ask, and God will give him life—to those who commit sins that do not lead to death. There is sin that leads to death; I do not say that one should pray for that. All wrongdoing is sin, but there is sin that does not lead to death." 1 John 5:16-17

In regards to this scripture, I have been dwelling on it all week...its been interesting. At first glance, I immediately thought about venial and mortal sins I have learned about in the Catholic Church. Basically, they believe there are certain "levels" of sins. It goes back to the age of Medieval church that collected indulgences; they would rank sin and the worse it was, the more money the people would have to pay. I do not know if I believe in hierarchy of sin, I definitely believe in different types of sin, but sin is sin is sin is sin. Anyways, I dont really want to get into that, back on track...

I have heard it said this sin that "leads to Death" is the sin of turning away from God. BUT, I just do not know if anyone could/would turn away from God if they ever experienced him in the first place! How/why would anyone who has actually, truly experienced God turn away from him? We were created to desire Him, so why on earth would we ever turn away from Him if we actually tasted even a bit of the Love we were created to crave relationally. This is why I think anyone who "turns away from God" never actually ever fully opened their heart to Him in the first place. Not entirely sure.

"Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil. No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God's seed abides in him and he CANNOT keep on sinning because he has been born of God. By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother." 1 John 3:8-10

I think we really have to read the whole context of this book to understand what John was trying to say, so I have been reading it a lot. Heres an excerpt that stuck out:
"By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything. Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God; and whatever we ask we receive from him, because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him. And this is his commandment, that we BELIEVE in the name of his Son Jesus Christ and LOVE one another, just as he has commanded us. Whoever KEEPS his commandments abides in God, and God in him. And by this we know that he abides in us, by the Spirit whom he has given us." 1 John 3:19-24

John is not emphasizing how he wants us to dwell on figuring out levels of sin or judging the sins of others. The simple fact is, I think he wants us to see and know the Hope of Christ as our Advocate and propitiation for our sins and the sins of the whole world (1 John 2:1-6). Although we were created "of the truth," God knows we have fallen and have sinful nature...He is asking us to realize we are sinners and to acknowledge and seek help from each other for accountability, but more importantly from Christ. Back to 1 John 5:16, we have to be willing to love someone by calling them out and/or praying on behalf of them for God's grace and forgiveness. Simply put, we must BELIEVE in his Son's grace and forgiveness and therefore, LOVE each other because He first loved us.

Furthermore, our job is to define and discover exactly what "believing in Jesus" and "loving one another" looks like for each of us. There is not always a precise easy formula for loving others and believing in God. Circumstantially, its always changing, but we always have guidelines (scripture) to find hints and clues. For instance, sometimes to "love" others best could mean hugs and kisses, ponies and fairies:), but other times it means letting someone fall so they can learn to pick themselves back up again...Tough love. But sometimes its okay to help someone up because they may need help learning...circumstances always change, but the Holy Spirits guidance is always loyal and consistent.

Josh Garrels inspires me.

http://vimeo.com/28337517

Listen intently and after you watch it, I want you to redefine "love" for yourself. Let your mind wander and really think about what "love" truly means to you and how it affects the way you treat people around you. Journal about it or whatever, but I think its a really convicting thing to think about...as dumb as it sounds, and as much as you may think you know about what "love" means, it doesnt hurt to redefine it and really make it real to you again.

Help the weak, dont blame them.

Driving by a homeless man on the corner holding a sign "Anything helps" or "Hungry" or "Need gas money", I am usually immediately flooded with compassionate, but I also get this great sense of frustration. Why don't these people just get a job and work? What could I do to help them because I will not give them money? Is another energy bar and water bottle really serving them? How do I help them? My mom has always preached to me about the ridiculousness of our government's enabling system and a friend recently expressed his frustration. He showed me a passage in scripture "If a man will not work, he shall not eat..." 2 Thes 3:10, sooo naturally I had to investigate. This is what I found:

I read the 2 Thessalonians passage, but we often overlook the part we (you and I) are called to. It says "Now such persons (the idle) we (the followers of Christ) COMMAND and ENCOURAGE in the Lord Jesus Christ to do their work quietly and to earn their own living. As for YOU (follower of Christ), do not grow weary in doing good." 2 Thes 3:12-13. We can be so very quick to point out the "lazy" and the "wicked", but we are also called to live as examples AMONG those people. We are to stay away from falling into their idleness, but it is our job as men and women of Christ to serve those people by taking the time out of our lives to teach them how to live properly. This is service. We must take the time to serve others through example and spending time with them, rather than just constantly pointing at them and telling them they need to get a job and work. We have to serve people, we have to be patient with people. I know its frustrating, but we have to take responsibility for each other too! If we are truly One Body in Christ, we have to nourish one another and seek to do good with even those who might appear lazy and those who we have absolutely nothing in common with. Jesus came for to heal the sick and reached out to the most lowly of people, the lepers, the tax collectors...we have to be willing to love even those we may not think deserve to be loved, by teaching them, not enabling them.

"And we urge you brothers, admonish (call out) the idle/undisciplined, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all. See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to EVERYONE." 1 Thes 5:14-15

Instead of blaming and pointing fingers and letting frustration plant bitterness and resentment towards these people, may we get up and go as Christ has called us to serve. Who are we if we are not making an effort daily, even weekly to help those who cannot help themselves? We are all part of one body, just like when you sprain your ankle you take time to nourish it and help it heal every day until it becomes well again...we have to take time to nourish and help our brothers and sisters to heal.

Idols continued...

First of all, nooo I do not receive joy from looking in the mirror and say "daaang girl you look good!"....haha. For a long while though, I thought if I look good enough, skinny enough, pretty enough, people will like me better which was quite a rude lie. Now after years of dealing with this insecurity and growing through it, I have learned so much about myself and who I am. I love myself for who Christ made me to be. And I still enjoy being healthy and working out in order to let go of stress and be a good steward of the body God has blessed me with....its when my vision becomes skewed again (which it does almost every day) that it becomes an idol. The second I start working out and eating healthy again for the wrong reasons, I realize it eventually and take steps to remind myself how to let go of this idol. No, I cannot tell you when it is your body or whatever it may be becomes an idol to you, because you just know. You know when you really think about it, if your body and working out is something that takes precedent to the more important things in life God has called you to. I think thats awesome that you took the initiative to stop working out for awhile to see what the Lord had to teach you...thats a perfect example of personal accountability. Never hesitate to re-consider and re-evaluate things in your life, even when you do not think you are wrong. It is always okay to think about these things and remind yourself why you are doing these things or acting this way. Its healthy to re-evaluate every so often, even the things you may think are the "good" things in your life.

You have idols. You always will and you do right now. That is human nature and part of our fallen, sinful self....to desire more than what God has given us.

Heres some more examples: Ministry itself can be an idol when we are doing it to get brownie points with God. Sometimes I overwhelm myself and exhaust myself because I am working so hard to attain God's love, that becomes an idol; I am putting my own efforts at salvation before what Christ did for me without really realizing it! Christ made the propitiation for my sins on the cross and by trying to save myself and earn God's love I am reaping fulfillment from what I can do to obtain His love, rather than just accept it and share it with others. Also, sometimes I find myself enjoying the attention I receive from people because it makes me feel needed and wanted, not because it is bringing glory to God. Sometimes I realize I say things just so that people will think highly of me and "like" me more. Sometimes I conform to the way people want me to be so that I will be accepted and people will include me. We do these little things and have these little thoughts, but those are little idols and desires which disguise themselves in the most ordinary things that we often do not acknowledge them as seeds of idols. The little sparks of idols are more often than not, very hard to identify because they are not loud and boisterous. Money and body image are loud, but what about just the tiny desire to be liked by people so you can feel better about yourself? What about the idol you create when you look at talented athlete and slightly incline your mind to wanting to be like him? Just those little thoughts are minor idols forming in your mind...we have little tastes of idols every day, every single person on earth does.

I think, you think, idols are bad things. Just like everything else, idols are things god created to be good. Money for instance...money is not a bad thing, we just make it bad when we let it take precedent in our lives. Body image...the way you view body is not bad, until you make it more than what God made it to be. Relationships...relationships are not bad until you allow them to consume your thoughts. Ministry is not bad, its a very good thing...but if I let myself start reaping selfish benefits from it and not constantly using it to glorify God, it is going in the wrong direction. Looking up to an athlete is not bad, but when you start comparing yourself to him and discounting the gifts and talents God has given you individually, then you are not using a role model for the right reasons.

Is this starting to make a little more sense? Idols can be good, just like every "bad" thing in your life...when they turn us back to thinking about Jesus and reminding us of our own fallen selves. Just like how you think of things you have done in the past and you hate that you did them, but they have shaped you and allowed you to grow. Just as you cannot know the full strength of light until you know the deepest depth of darkness. We have to see what God is NOT in order to see what and who he truly is. Hope that helps!

In response to questions about Idols...

You asked me about idols and I am so glad you did...I truly believe idols are one of the core issues within all of us. Every day potential idols surround us hoping to entangle us in a terrible web of lies. All sorts of things are potential idols: physical objects, people, property, jobs, roles, a hope, an image, an idea, pleasures,... As soon as our loyalty to anything leads us to disobey God, we are in great danger of making it an idol.

In the beginning, we were made to worship and serve God and rule over all created things in God's name (Gen 1:26-28). Instead we fell into sin. We refused to give God glory and instead chose certain parts of creation to glorify instead: "They exchanged the glory of the immortal God...and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator." Romans 1:23-25 Whatever controls us becomes our lord...the person who seeks power is controlled by power; the person who seeks acceptance is controlled by the people they want to please. We do not control ourselves as much as we think we do, we are always controlled by the "lord" of our lives; whatever we may make that to be. Desire for Jesus was intended to shape all our other desires. But we have to be so careful not to let anything take precedent to our desire for him in ALL things and through ALL things.

"What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God." James 4:1-4

"Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul." 1 Peter 2:1

Its so important for us to daily check ourselves and ask ourselves at this point, right now, "What are the things in my life I could not live without?" When I start there, I begin reevaluating and remembering who I am again and who I want to become. Idols are something besides Jesus, we feel we have to have to be happy; something more important to our heart than God, something enslaving our heart through excessive desires. We change and get rid of these idols when we begin to identify them in our lives. We have to go much deeper than the tangible things...for example, if I say money is my idol there is so much more than just idolizing money, the real idol is my desire for more control of my life or to be liked by other people. We will never get rid of our innate nature to desire, but we can redirect the sweet gift of desire back to Jesus. I think idols simply display our constant misdirection and they should continually lead us back to the cross...when we rejoice and remember and dwell on who Christ is and what he has done for us, that is when we lose our idols and remember where we started.

"Sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace." Romans 6:14

We create idols because we want to control our lives, even though we know we owe God everything. We take created things and settle our hearts on them and build our lives around them without even realizing it most of the time. If anything but Christ is our source of salvation, we are falling into idolatry. We were created to worship and desire God, but so often we skew our desires and "exchange the Truth of God for a lie" Romans 1:25. The more we seek power through idols, the more they drain us of strength. They blind us to the reality of our own desperate need for Christ to save us from ourselves. "For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ." 2 Corinthians 4:6

SOO all that to say, keep yo eyes on those sunrises and sunsets and always remind yourself daily of who God is and he will keep you from idolizing anything too much. When we seek Him daily, when we remind ourselves who He is whether through scripture or even just enjoying nature, or seeing Him in people...we remind ourselves, "How could we ever love anything or anyone more than Jesus?" Sometimes its hard to see Him beneath it all, I struggle with it all the time, but when things get complicated I just feel my heart beat and know. Use anything you might find as an "idol" as a perfect venue to channel desire to God. For instance, I go through dumb seasons where I idolize having this "perfect body image" like every other girl, but I have to be thankful for it now because whenever I feel inadequate I immediately direct my attention to God and pray about it and remember who I am in Christ cannot ever be changed by my physical appearance...by trying to redirect my desires I address Jesus and naturally turn my attention to Him instead of myself.